Now more than ever I think it’s safe to say that not everyone is looking forward to going home for the holidays. Some people go solely because they don’t want to be alone and others may not want to hear negative remarks from family members condemning their personal decision. Reasons vary, but those of us who have a tricky relationship with our families know conflicting feelings all too well. I have a particularly tricky relationship with my own family and though I love them, I’m not always jumping for joy about our next big interaction.
Each year as time rushes toward the holiday season, I tussle with my anxiety anticipating the worst before it even happens — with good reason. But, I decided a long time ago that it is not my intention to either isolate myself or be overwhelmed by going home for the holidays. Two things can be true at the same time. In realizing that, with the urge of my therapist I’ve begun making a sort of holiday “plan of action”. And it may sound strange but it’s helped tremendously with the way I navigate visiting home for the holidays. It’s been so helpful that I’m hoping it helps you too.
With some reluctance I think that struggling with anxiety during the time you’re supposed to be celebrating is not ideal fun for anyone. Nobody really wants to endure bad days during a time that is supposed to be about holiday bliss. I mean, like Megan once said, “Bad bitches have bad days too” but what if you could plan in a way that made you feel more in control than you have previously?
That’s what planning strategically has done for me. Here are some tips that have helped.
Come Late, Leave Early
Usually this rule has a negative connotation but in this case I think of it as non-negotiable. The goal is to spend just enough time, neither more nor less. Spend what you can, enjoy what you can by knowing that sometimes spending an extended amount of time is not in our best interest. Deciding how personal time is spent is a luxury that a price cannot be put on. Even when it’s hard to choose, remember that you’re the one person in control of this.
Prioritize Who You’re Visiting
One thing for certain and two things for sure, what most of us have a hard time fathoming is that we do NOT have to spend time with people we do not like. Sometimes that’s easier said than done but keeping some interactions short and cute, you’ll notice, will work wonders. The key is to pour into and spend time with those who bring out the best in you. It’ll save you from thinking about the people you’re dreading seeing. Plan accordingly by reaching out to who you want to see directly to make sure they’ll be available.
Have Neutral Accommodations
Whether it’s a cozy hotel or a place you know you can actually be at ease, go where you'll be most comfortable. Where you spend your nights is actually one of the first things to plan, second to the time frame you plan to be in town. Even if it's not a home away from home, it should definitely be somewhere you can lay your head and take a break from the noise. Avoid the holiday host’s home at all costs if you can.
Plan For Fun Outside of Family Time
Have a life beyond family even during the holidays. Yes, it’s great to spend time with family catching up and bonding but having options is the best kept secret. Alternative plans never hurt anyone, really. Link up with old or current friends and plan a night to hang out. Grab drinks, go to dinner, be outside. Do hoodrat things with your hoodrat friends. If you don't wake up feeling like, "we had a time last night", you're doing this part wrong. So, whatever you do, have a grand time doing it.
Even if you can’t incorporate every tip this holiday season, try any of the two and watch how different your holiday experience will be.