Today marks exactly four weeks since I graduated from my undergraduate program with a B.A. in English and emphasis in professional writing. It has also been exactly four weeks since I began writing this. After many weeks of thought and consideration, the completion of this post has weighed tremendously on me. The reason being that publishing this post is the first monumental step in the direction of beginning a new chapter of my life. A chapter that I’m hesitant for because of a few reasons.
The first reason is because I’m still in disbelief that I actually finished and graduated. I knew the day would come but I didn’t realize that I would blink and it would be happening, but it did. The fact that I made it to graduation and officially became the first generation college graduate in my bloodline exposed the imposter syndrome I never knew existed within me. Not only could I not believe that I earned the accomplishment, but I also began to downplay it as if I didn’t deserve the privilege — and I absolutely do deserve it. It just took some time to realize it.
Another reason for the delayed post comes from my intrusive thoughts of worrying and what was in store for me next. Yes I have more time on my hands, but for me that hasn’t always proved to be a good thing. While in undergrad I had the excuse of having too much work on my plate to think about the future or how I was going to make time to write. But now that I’m done, I no longer have that excuse and that only intensified my anxiety. Without a crutch to lean on or school to blame for my lack of whatever, how was I going to get on with my life?
Not only was I thinking about getting on with my life but I thought about everything else as well like: Who am I outside of being a student? What am I truly passionate about? How and where do I grow from here?
The list goes on.
These thoughts consumed my mind for weeks. Weeks of feeling as if this degree was just not enough to be proud of and worrying that I wasn’t making my family proud. I was going down a drastic and dramatic rabbit hole quicker than I could catch myself initially, but I did. It took a second but once I was able to catch those thoughts and reign myself in, I came to a solid conclusion about a few things.
First being that the only person I need to worry about making proud is myself. The second being that I’d put in too much hard work, sweat, and literal tears to make it to this point not to enjoy this moment. Lastly, I realized that the practice of being proud of myself no matter how big or small the accomplishment is necessary for the sake of my overall peace. So something had to give and that something turned into someone — me, duh.
Though it took some time and courage to get here, I’ve arrived and if you’re going through something similar I’m hoping for your arrival as well. Life moved entirely too fast for us to not bask in the few joys we are awarded in this life. We could be here today and gone tomorrow, so while I’m here I plan to be proud as f*ck and about everything.
Let this be a lesson to anyone reading this that you and the things you accomplish are more than worthy of praise and celebration. Don’t let that hating ass imposter syndrome rob you of your moments and make you feel less than proud, motivated, and welcoming to all the amazing things coming your way. You deserve amazing things to happen to and for you. And during the times where it seems as though it’s easily consuming you, continue to move forward anyway. Life waits for no one and every day we allow to pass us not living or creating a life we love, is a day gone to waste.
Now, go somewhere and do something that you can be proud of — go on, get!
Lastly, be on the look out for more content on a weekly basis, yay!