They say, be careful of who you tell your dreams to because telling anyone is a sure fire way to make what you want never come to fruition.
But today I break the habit of letting the word of others shy me away from anything. So here goes nothing.
I want to quit my job (and I plan to — standby). Currently, I’m a teacher and the reality of working in education is nothing like I’d ever imagined or anticipated. Honestly it sucks. And it’s not because of teaching itself or even the students. If anything those are the parts I hold nearest to my heart. It’s everything behind the scenes and the direction in which things are going that’s driven me away. It’s the pushing kids along to the next grade or step in their educational career even when they’re not ready. Even when they’re ill-equipped.
I’ve worked in various roles in education during the past four years and I noticed a pattern that shattered my heart. All have some resemblance of the most terrible quality in common. Students and their parents are not being held accountable (academically, behaviorally), the focus of education has shifted to how good numbers look (even if they’re not organic), and teachers are expected to do and fix everything that's been broken. Even things that should be reserved for parents.
Teacher is just the base word. Defined in real time would be more like educator, counselor, nurse, disciplinarian, parent, nurturer, punching bag, and everything in between. A modern day bag lady in the words of Badu.
The work never ends, it just builds.
But my biggest obstacle presently, is that I’m starting to resent my life. I have no time outside of work to just be let alone think of anything else. That isn’t healthy. Nor will it be the story of my life.
I refuse to allow my life to become a cautionary tale. So this is what it is — I want to be a full-time writer. Essentially, I want and have to shake up the life I've adjusted to and begin anew. This may sound absolutely outrageous but I’m beginning to be inspired by that instead of deterred.
Mainly because I’ve realized that what’s scarier than going after what I want relentlessly is that this is my life and no one is going to save me. No one is going to save you either. There won’t be a random knock at the door handing the heart's desires over to us. As much as I’ve wished, prayed, and hoped for it to happen a certain peace can be found in accepting the truth. Peace is having the awareness that a choice has to be made, even if the choice isn’t preferred. At least you reserve the right.
So choose you at the core of each choice you make today and beyond.